What my Children Think?

Two weeks from today, our team will be leaving for Guatemala.  I hope you've been reading the daily devotions I've been posting from Terry at Across All Borders.  She is our guide for this trip and has been on many trips to Guatemala and Uganda, among other places.  Reading her blogs has given me a chance to mentally prepare on a daily basis and think about the meaning behind why I'm going.  It also makes me a little nervous.  I'm not necessarily nervous about our safety.  In fact I really never even thought about that in the beginning until others started expressing concern.  I was drawn to the idea of helping humanity, making a difference of global proportion, and experiencing a spiritual journey.

However, my mind is also racing with all the "to-do's" and preparations in these two weeks before I go.  Making plans for the girls while I'm gone, paying bills, taking care of business and clients, need to train new team members, making plans for when I return, buttoning things up at UCP and Heart Heroes, (did I mention I'm starting my book project?), my wedding anniversary is this week, Ashley birthday is coming up when I return, what should I pack, do I have the right clothing?, how much money do I need to take, I still need to raise more money, should I buy some items for the orphanage, I was planning to take some bi-lingual books, school is getting out so my schedule is changing, how will I find time to do all these things, gotta pack bags for the week for the girls to go to Grandma's farm, oh yea and I need to keep practicing my Spanish, and make a Spanish cheat sheet to take.  Ahhhhh!!!!

My mind is racing, and at the same time I'm trying to tell myself Slow Down!  or Mas Despacio! in Spanish.  I've been really focusing on the prayer each day with Terry's devotions and going to church each Sunday this month.  Ashley and I went together yesterday and it was a nice little thing for us to do together just the two of us and I was honored that she offered to go with me, while Tim and Nicole slept in!  We'll have one more Sunday to all go together before I leave.

So...in my mind I'm processing all this stuff (note to self...make a list!) and I'm thinking about all the things "I" need to do to prepare.  And then Nicole said something to me yesterday that really caught my attention and stuck with me.  We were talking about why mommy wanted to go to church and how I'm praying about my trip.  And she said, "yes, we need to pray for mommy so she doesn't get killed in Guatemala."  I was shocked that she said that!  And I was kind of creeped out by it, because I always say "what you think about, you bring about"!  So I asked her why she would say that?  She didn't really have an answer.  It really left me thinking a lot the rest of the day.  It made me think about how one of the reasons initially for me to take this trip was for me to use it as a teaching opportunity with my kids.  And now I'm thinking about the "perception" they are forming, and perhaps it's not a good one.  I want them to think of this as a wonderful experience for us to help other people on God's precious planet!  Not a scary, dangerous trip where mommy's helping poor, sad children.  I realize that little ears are ALWAYS listening.  And I know I've been telling a lot of people about how I'm nervous to go in some ways.  And perhaps they've interpreted that as bad, dangerous, scary, fearful.  The nervousness is really more about not knowing what to expect and what to do, and will I be able to really make a big enough difference?

I'm now thinking that the most important part of my preparations is about helping my children understand why this trip is happening, what it means, and how they can help mommy prepare.  It's about getting my mind out of "I" mode and into "they" mode...which is what it's all about!!!

I'd love to hear any ideas about ways I could get the girls involved...maybe a little project to make artwork for the Guatemalan children, or a little fundraising project (selling lemonade for Guatemala!), praying together.  If you have ideas, please email me at tsdubie@cox.net or post comments hear on the blog!

With Gratitude,
Sondra